Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
