he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
