Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
