he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
