my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
