We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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