i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
