omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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