We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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