You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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