She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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