it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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