Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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You made out with two different species that night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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