there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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