I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
