Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
