I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
