you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
