I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
