No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
