I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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