best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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