I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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