I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
