We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
