I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
