Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry about my life...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
