It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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