I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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