I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
