my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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