Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
