Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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