U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I love you.
Bad choice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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