He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have already put on my inside pants.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
