Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
