I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
