3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
