so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
