SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
