I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
