look no pants
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
