Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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