i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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