why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
PANTIES FOUND
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
