I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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