I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
