What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
