I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
