I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize