What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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