I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
