Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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