in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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