i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
