Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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