i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize