Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize