Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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