my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
