i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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