Me too!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
