Please, let me fuck your mom
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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