Betty ford says i'm here all night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
