guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
