My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
