Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
