This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
