is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
