the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude. I can hear the air.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
