Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize