people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
