chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
