I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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