I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
