I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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