Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
