I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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