My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
