The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
