My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
