I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
