i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
